I really wanted to write something else today. But I can’t shake the leading of the Lord to share this particular thought right now…even though I had other ideas and plans. Maybe it’s because I’m a pastor’s wife, but I am literally surrounded by friends who are journeying through loss, questions, struggle, fear and unforeseen diagnosis’ in this season of life. So, here’s something that I hope is encouraging and, most of all, God-filled for those of you who are in, will be in, or have been in a long, dark night…

Dark. Sometimes it’s dark y’all. Usually when it’s night. Both literally and figuratively speaking, of course. You’ve been there. I’ve been there. Or you will be there if you haven’t yet. Gloomy. Black. Dusky. Seemingly unending. I have had days (usually all in a row) when I feel like a vacuum has sucked all the emotion and feeling out of me. Or that, it feels like I’m being plunged into water against my will and that even a quick breath up above the surface isn’t much to hope for because I’m going to get plunged back down again. Maybe you’ve been there? In that pit of despair? Not knowing when the dark night will end? If you have, you know exactly what I’m talking about. But, hear this (my soul as well as yours!), it’s NEVER WASTED. Not one dark night of the soul is without purpose. Maybe that’s the most important thing I can say: no season is ever a waste for a child of God. Drink it in. Fall in that stream. Cry and weep there. Let the LORD do His work. Speak scripture aloud because the Word of the Lord is powerful, even if your heart doesn’t feel it. Drink deeply from the fountain of all that is Him and keep abiding – even when it feels pointless. Even when you feel apathetic; even when the answers don’t seem to come; even when hope keeps slipping through your outstretched fingertips; even when the joy you once knew seems like just that – a joy you once knew.

Because, somehow, there are gifts in the night.  Gifts our eyes aren’t aware of in the day.  I want to see them, and that means being fully aware of where I actually am and being okay to sit in that season and be fully alive there.

Our theology of God in salvation – that He alone can rescue — must be the theology of our dark nights — He alone can and will rescue.   May your heart rest on this rock-solid foundation of truth:

“He sent from on high, he took me; he drew me out of many waters. He rescued me from my strong enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me…the Lord was my support…he rescued me, because He delighted in me.” Psalm 18:16-18

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined His ear to me and heard my cry. He drew me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.” Psalm 40:1-2

Make haste O Lord, to deliver me! O Lord, make haste to help me! …. You are my help and deliverer; O Lord, do not delay! Psalm 70:1, 5

Here’s one of my anthems for the dark night and difficulty trusting (King of My Heart, by Sarah and John Mark McMillian, and the live version is best!)

Let the king of my heart

Be the mountain where I run

The fountain I drink from

(He is my song)

Let the king of my heart

Be the shadow where I hide

The ransom for my life

He is my song

You are good, good.

Let the king of my heart

Be the wind inside my sails

The anchor in the waves

(He is my song)

Let the king of my heart

Be the fire inside my veins

The echo of my days

He is my song

When the night

Is holding on to me

God is holding on

You are good, good.

When the night

Is holding on to me

God is holding on

You are good, good.

You’re never gonna let

Never gonna let me down

You’re never gonna let

Never gonna let me down

You’re never gonna let

Never gonna let me down

When the night

Is holding on to me

God is holding on

You’re never gonna let go

Never gonna let me down

When the night is holding on to me, God is holding on.

I like add in a few extra “when the night is holding on to me”, and will myself to say with grit and determination and a nodding head, “you are good”.

I’ll leave you with this quote, this hope…May what CH Spurgeon says come to life in us: “Our infirmities become the black velvet on which the diamond of God’s love glitters all the more brightly.” (Check out: 10 Spurgeon Quotes for Wounded Christians)

May we be fully where we are – even if the night is holding on to us – trusting that God’s hold on us is greater and open our uncertain hearts to the gifts He gives in darkness.